On the nature of a wasted life.

I have asked myself the question, if I were to die right now, or within several years, would I be satisfied and fairly fulfilled? The answer terrified me and filled my soul with unrest. For a long time I have suffered from chronic dissatisfaction. I have always proceeded with the vain idea that as a smart fellow anytime would be a good time to take-up the reins of manhood and forge my way in the world. If I were to be unable now, with only limited time, to fulfill my most dear desires, it would be heartbreaking to unbearable.

In my time what have I done? Nothing. What have I done that is worthy of remembering? Nothing. If I were to utterly perish, what would remain? No children, no great loves, no body of work, no adoring public, no noteworthy actions. It would have been a truly wasted life.

What then is the lesson in all this hypothetical grief? That now is the best, indeed the only time to seize your destiny. There will never be a better time. We must live for today and try, really try, to make the best of it. I realize that I have spent far too much time waiting, waiting for someone to rescue me, waiting for the right time for whatever, waiting on tables etc...

For those reading this, the notion of the wasted life may trouble you far less, but as for me I think that if you have certain abilities you must use them or they are wasted. My sister-in-law once said to me, "everyone can see how talented and smart and special you are, but you." She was right. Now is the time for my nuts to drop and for me to man-up and take my future in hand. NO MORE WAITING!!!!!!!! The saddest thing for me would be to never produce children and never to have had the chance to shine. Now with school, work, determination, God, and much work I must lay foundations for a better future. There can be nothing worse or more frightening than the wasted life. This must be avoided by me and by all whatever the cost, and do NOT delay.

Post Script: Whilst composing this blog I was listening to a marvelous album called "Another Sky" by the group "Altan" If you want a soundtrack to contemplate the questions posed in this blog, check out the song "Green Grows the Rushes." It is the perfect song for the melodramatic theme of this writing. However be careful, if you have a vivid imagination and a sensitive heart you will probably cry. Until next time...

Ty the Emperor